The great fall

It begins again

Think Happy Thoughts!!

It's nearly summer, and this is supposed to be the Good Part of the year. The weather is mostly Good. Good Things happen, I have Good Friends and I do Good Business. I even felt quite good for a reasonable long successive while. The whole spring so far, in fact. With some sad moments sometimes, but without the unpredictable swings between fury or desolation and the top-of-the-world. And now - for no apparent reason - I feel like I could hurt somebody very bad, just like that. Just because... So: Think happy thoughts!! Think happy thoughts!! Think happy thoughts!! Think happy thoughts!!

Flabbergasted by Rome

I went to Rome on my annual spring trip with one of my best friends. We had a great time there, with lovely warm weather, except on 1 rainy day. We encountered a lot of odd adventures. We accidently paid 30 euro's for an artichoke pie, which indeed tasted delicious. We were flabbergasted by Ancient Rome in a positive and admiring way. And flabbergasted by the nowadays Romans and nowadays Rome. We honestly wondered what on earth - besides their cooking skills - they base their snobbery on? Anything Romans dwell upon that is worth your attention is allready 2000 years old, or at least some hundres of years??? Nowadays Italy appeared a real developing country, of which you wonder what it offers to Europe more than a country like Turkey. There people seem at least eager for progress. Italy has it all: great differences between poor and rich, unsafe slumb areas, indifference towards people in need of help (like the gentleman that fell quite hard when the bus was braking hard for the insane traffic). In the bookstores books on Mussolini are still in the charts. Those are scenes I associate with undereducation, poverty and fear. But my oh my, what a lovely botanical garden they have in Rome. What a good caprese they prepare with mozarella and freh basil. And what a friendly area was this Trastevere where we spent some lazy time and ate this delicious icecream!

Before & After

My backyard before and after may 2009. All with help from great neighbours.

Wallpaper

I love vintage. I found this wallpaper on the attic of a 'due to renovation' house. I was happy to live there for a year after divorce. This wallpaper - and other nice wallpapers - were actually still on the walls as I lived there. The old lady who had lived there before, furnished the house decades before. She visited me one day. I am happy to bring a bit of the spirit of that happy home with me, to my new castle :-)

Oh my heart, my heart...

I really need to go out, meet new people and enjoy flirts and compliments, I guess... Wednesday night That Person called again. I missed the call that I wouldn't have answered anyway. I felt strong when I noticed he had called: I had had a good night with my bandmates, singing and even playing the pianopart for Phil Collins's Easy Lover because we lacked our pianoman. And earlier that night I ran my first organized 6-kilometers run in the woods with a lot of happy other runners, and got a t-shirt fot it. My parents stood cheering at the finish. God knows, I felt so strong. I had finally come to the point where I didn't care. That Person had also sent a textmessage, saying that he really wanted to talk to me. I don't want to talk at all. I want to lay my hands on his slightly too fat belly, inhale the sweet smell of his skin, experience his greediness towards me and surrender. And then run away with him to a land far far away.

Life after love

It took some time to think it through, but hey I'm just too good for you... (freely, after Cher)

'Yes, it takes a lot of time indeed', she realized. 'But pieces fall into place. And learning about being in the middle of this, is maybe even the real achievement.'

She had known about him - chasing his cheap dreams - all along. But she just wanted to hang on to what she rahter believed. To what she was used to. And to the idea that her own dreams shouldn't be chased, but tempered.

'Chasing them could be scary and foolish, and all would end in severe dissapointment', is what he would probably advise. But she was way too young for such thoughts, and way too old to have cheap people make her believe them.

She dreamed of travelling and started packing, wondering 'How will I find my way?' She didn't. The way found her. Friends had her back, she met new people, and discovered beautiful places. The world appeared a welcoming immense playground for all her thoughts, dreams and ambitions. She suddenly realized: 'There is no dissapointment at all.'